Ethan’s Journal

[ I just want to mention that as I started typing this, a dove flew through the open sliding glass door
and into our dining room. I got it to leave by saying, “Hey. Could you get out of here?” Ethan is a friend to all God’s creatures, great and small. ]

[ I also want to mention that when I started typing this several hours and dinner-guests ago, it was originally a lengthy rant about terrible internet service in Lebanon. ]

Since I’m not making much headway putting together accounts of our trips to Cyprus and Damascus, I thought I’d take a moment to document some turns of phrases that have crept into popular usage around our household.

DISCLAIMER: Amy might certainly protest the definition of “popular usage” as it pertains to herself.

Almazing – Amazing, quite good. Derived from Almaza brand beer. Additional analysis reveals that “almaza” means “diamond” in Arabic (as does “almaz” in Russian), and “diamond” is slang for amazing or quite good in cockney slang, e.g. a “diamond geezer.” Coined by the author during a visit from good friends Bridget and Russell.

Collar – A certain class of young Lebanese man, characterized by their wealth, arrogance, materialism, lack of character, and complete unfamiliarity with employment, either in theory or practice. Often seen in nightclubs and bars on Monot Street or driving expensive cars. A not-so-distant relative of the American “narc” species. The collar is so named because of the distinctive thick, stiff collar that often adorns his form-fitting, designer shirt. Below is a photo of two collars in one of their natural habitats, Sky Bar.

Gringo – Generally an American, but can be used to describe any foreigner. The author thinks it’s funny to refer to foreigners in an Arabic-speaking country by using a Spanish word. The Arabic word, by the way, is “ajnabi.”

La, Habibi – Literally “no, baby” or “no, darling” in Arabic. Used when playfully refuting a claim or denying a request. Originally adapted by Amy following an overheard transaction between two 7-year-olds. The expression gained popularity during a visit by Ray and Geoff, with Geoff being widely recognized as the individual who applies it to greatest effect.

Lebanese Squeeze – (In driving) used to describe a passing manuver–often conducted on a two-lane, two-way thoroughfare–during which the passing car is not moving nearly fast enough for the car behind it, so the driver of the third car decides to pass the passing car. This creates a moment in which 3 cars are travelling in the same direction at different speeds on a two-lane road. 1.5 of these cars are travelling into oncoming traffic. Coined by the author during his first visit to Lebanon in 2002.

Lebanese Toast – (In driving) used to describe a situation in which two cars travelling in opposite directions on a narrow city street (a street probably only wide enough for pedestrian traffic) pass so close that their side mirrors literally make contact with each other as they go. Also coined by the author in 2002, after perpetrating such an event.

Touro – Rhymes with “euro.” A tourist of any European persuasion, though in the author’s experience almost always German or Dutch. Distinctive in their pack-like organization and New Yorker-like tendency to assume their environment will conform to them. The phrase was coined by the author upon witnessing a German tourist at Baalbek attempting to buy a ticket for entry into the ruins with a €20 note. She was extremely annoyed at initally being rebuffed and then, when they finally agreed to take the note, was quite vocal about her disappointment with the exchange rate she was given. Typical touro.

Touro Sombrero – Describes any hijab, keffiyeh, headscarf, turban, or other headgear generally thought to be traditionally Arabic when worn by a tourist. Coined by the author upon seeing a European man wearing a white, Saudi-style keffiyeh in Lebanon. The author remarked that it was like wearing a sombrero on your vacation to Toronto. The most humorous example of the Touro Sombrero is when young female tourists wear a hijab with skimpy tank-tops and shorts. The offender need not be European, but Ameri-Sombrero and Yankee Sombrero don’t sound nearly as funny (though upon saying these out loud, the author is reconsidering).

Zwanderful – Wonderful, also amazing, quite good, or almazing. Coined during a trip by the the author, Amy, Dan, and Addie to Baalbek. There is a sign en route (in Chtaura, I believe) that enigmatically proclaims “Zwanderful Zwan”. Amy pointed out weeks later that Zwan is a Lebanese hotdog brand, but the author is refusing to recognize any connection.

While I couldn’t really claim to understand the index they’re using here, I found it interesting that that Beirut was only a couple spots behind San Francisco and way ahead of places like, say, Boston on this cost of living survey.

Amy and my runner-up for our yearlong adventure, Buenos Aires, was 142. And they have modern internet.

Austin, TX is nowhere to be found.

Additions to this space have been pretty sparse for the last couple of months, though not for lack of things to write about, but rather somewhat because of them. The main thing was rushing back to the States to say goodbye to my ailing grandmother and only arriving in time to carry her casket. It was a terrible loss for me and my family and other than the fact that she went quickly, there is absolutely nothing good to be said about it. The experience also certainly underscored many of the feelings of isolation I’ve felt living over here, where friends and family aren’t even realistically a phone call away.

On a much less grave–yet somewhat related–note, we had 7 weeks’ worth of houseguests, good friends from New York and Rhode Island (a.k.a. my parents). It was really fantastic that our friends and family came to us and I do believe that a good time was had by all. It was interesting to introduce these people to our new environment and some of the things that drew us here.

Also, Amy and I will be back in the States in December for the holidays and our weddening and we’re scrambling to finalize a whole host of related details.

I was hoping that I could return to the blog-style with a couple nice, heartwarming tales about travelling in Cyprus and Damascus with my folks, but unfortunately this morning I read one of Michael J. Totten’s most recent weblog posts. A few weeks back, my friend Michael (no relation and not to be confused with the aforementioned offender) emailed me a link to one of this other Michael’s other posts in which he lays out his mission to basically move to Beirut and continue writing his weblog and articles and whatever else he does. Initially, I was merely put off by his writing style. Alternating labored, wordy sentences (I mean, who uses a word like “bloviating”…though I suppose it takes one to know one) with terse, “literary” ones (Like he’s trying. Trying to write. Like Ernest Hemmingway.) kind of outed him as a victim of some liberal arts program or other*. Upon further reading, I wanted to be seized with a feeling of “cool…this guy’s just coming over here under his own steam to understand the Middle East a little better and do his bit to educate his not-insubstantial readership.” Essentially, I wanted to be able to relate, at least to the first part. Instead, I was seized with the feeling of “oh no…this guy is kind of a blowhard who is going to misrepresent Lebanon and miseducate his readership for the sake of promoting himself as some kind of fearless, globetrotting daredevil.”

On reading his most recent posts, including the one this morning, I see that unfortunately the latter supposition was correct. While admittedly, in the posts I’ve read thus far I cannot find anything too factually far a-field (e.g. Sabra is not a Palestinian “camp” and the broad claim that “almost every Lebanese person” he’s talked to fears “a massive bombing campaign across the country” makes me wonder about who he’s talking to and how he’s phrasing his questions **), I have objections on the matters of context and tone. Every solider lounging on a street corner is imbued with forboding. Every interaction he has is like a little spy mission. He frequently refers to the South as “Hezbollahland” and makes it sound like some kind of walled-off city-state. None of this speaks to my (albeit limited…147 days at time of press) experience.

I guess the reason I take this so personally is that during the process of getting ready to come here, in addition to a lot of ridiculous remarks we had to bear (“jokes” about camels, advice not to look “too American”, etc.), we often found ourselves in the position of needing to reassure our loved and merely liked ones that we were not moving to a volatile warzone. The last time (prior to the detonation of a certain former prime minister) Lebanon was big news in the States was when it was a volatile warzone, so it is somewhat understandable that people’s general conception of the country is stuck somewhere around 1985. Now, finally, after writing stuff in here and emailing/IMing with people and having people visit and talking with friends and co-workers when I was back in the States, it seems like many of the people around us have a more realistic idea of what it is like in Lebanon specifically and maybe a little bit more of an open mind towards the Middle East in general. I feel that Msr. Totten has great opportunity here to shed a little light on the subject on a considerably larger scale, and he squanders it in an attempt to look like a badass.

And to add insult to obtusery, the banner on his new site uses the same goddamn font we chose for our wedding invitations.

And now that that I’ve gotten that off my chest…

Posts about Cyprus (driving! turtles!), Damascus (“a real live Baath Party police state”!), my parents’ visit, and some nice, captioned photos will be forthcoming.

And, on the topic of alarmists, players of the video game Total War: Medieval (yeah, I’m looking at you Aboujoudie) must be pretty psyched about the Al-Mohad-like dynasty Bush is predicting:

“The militants believe that controlling one country will rally the Muslim masses, enabling them to overthrow all moderate governments in the region, and establish a radical Islamic empire that spans from Spain to Indonesia.”

Sometimes one has to wonder, “Does he realize that he said that out loud? In front of people?”

* This is entirely my own assertion and is in no way based on any bibiographical research on my part. That said, go on, prove me wrong. I dare you.

** I mean just what I’m saying here. I mean, who doesn’t fear massive bombing campaigns? But Totten makes it sound like everybody’s just sittin’ around biting their nails waiting for the bombs to drop or park or whatever.

I just walked from Grand Central Station to the Bernard Hodes Group office on 42nd St. and 3rd Ave. and I was profoundly overwhelmed by a sense of…

…this, this, I do not miss.

Because we’re registered with the embassy here, we received this little transmission in the inbox this morning. Thanks for the new flash, guys. It is interesting that this is the first message we’ve received from the embassy, despite the bombings here and in London. It kind of makes me wish we got one of these warnings every day, because then I’d know there was nothing to worry about.

I kid.

PS: For any concerned parents that might be reading this, the message below is essentially an update of the travel warnings that are in permanent residence on the State Department website.

Subject: US Embassy BEIRUT Warden Message – August 3, 2005
From: “Beirut, ACS” <beirutacs @state.gov>
Date: Wed, August 3, 2005 5:11 am
To: “Beirut, ACS” <beirutacs @state.gov>

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT – WORLDWIDE CAUTION

1. This Public Announcement updates information on the
continuing threat of terrorist actions and violence
against Americans and interests overseas. This supersedes
the Worldwide Caution dated March 8, 2005 and expires on
February 2, 2006.

2. The Department of State remains concerned about the
continued threat of terrorist attacks, demonstrations and
other violent actions against U.S. citizens and interests
overseas. Americans are reminded that demonstrations and
rioting can occur with little or no warning. Ongoing
events in Iraq have resulted in demonstrations and
associated violence in several countries; such events are
likely to continue for the foreseeable future. Nation-
wide elections in Afghanistan scheduled for mid-September
may also trigger violent anti-American actions.

3. Current information suggests that al-Qa’ida and
affiliated organizations continue to plan terrorist
attacks against U.S. interests in multiple regions,
including Europe, Asia, Africa and the Middle East. These
attacks may employ a wide variety of tactics to include
assassinations, kidnappings, hijackings and bombings.
Extremists may elect to use conventional or non-
conventional weapons, and target both official and private
interests. The latter may include facilities where U.S.
citizens and other foreigners congregate or visit,
including residential areas, business offices, clubs,
restaurants, places of worship, schools, hotels and public
areas.

4. In the wake of the July 2005 London bombings and the
March 2004 train attacks in Madrid, Americans are reminded
of the potential for terrorists to attack public
transportation systems. In addition, extremists may also
select aviation and maritime services as possible targets.

5. U.S. citizens are strongly encouraged to maintain a
high level of vigilance, be aware of local events, and
take the appropriate steps to bolster their personal
security. For additional information, please refer to “A
Safe Trip Abroad” found at <http ://travel.state.gov>.

6. U.S. Government facilities worldwide remain at a
heightened state of alert. These facilities may
temporarily close or periodically suspend public services
to assess their security posture. In those instances,
U.S. embassies and consulates will make every effort to
provide emergency services to U.S. citizens. Americans
abroad are urged to monitor the local news and maintain
contact with the nearest U.S. embassy or consulate.

7. As the Department continues to develop information on
any potential security threats to U.S. citizens overseas,
it shares credible threat information through its consular
information program documents, available on the Internet
at <http ://travel.state.gov>. In addition to information on
the Internet, travelers may obtain up-to-date information
on security conditions by calling 1-888-407-4747 toll-free
in the U.S. or outside the U.S. and Canada on a regular
toll line at 1-202-501-4444.

On Saturday Amy wanted to have lunch at Casablanca, a restaurant down by the Corniche that’s in an old Ottoman house and “serves a delicious fusion of Eastern and Western cuisines”, according to the much-maligned Lonely Planet. Amy had filet du boeuf and some kind of salad. I opted for the tender beef and summer rolls. The food was decent, but at 30000 LL per meal prix fixe, I felt we were paying for the ambience (and not necessarily being overcharged at that).

Next on the schedule was a little shopping. We’ve been suffering along with the cheap, 4 cup coffee maker that’s apparently built to spill, so it was time for a replacement. Also, we were in need of more towels and coffee cups for our phalanx of imminent guests. Amy got some icetrays that look like they belong in Superman’s Fortress of Solitude and I upgraded our bbq-ware with some sweet industrial versions.

Whoa! That’s the danger of keeping these blog things. One minute you think you’re writing about interesting experiences in a foreign land and the next minute you realize you’re writing about buying icetrays and replacing your coffee maker.

Like the barflies we are, we decided to head to Gemmayze and catch the twilight passing of happy hour. As in places like New York, “happy hour” is generally 2 or 3 hours in Beirut. Unlike places like New York, it also happens on Saturdays and Sundays and yet is not very popular. We decided on Casa de la Trova, a nice little Cuban place that I’ve mentioned before. We were the only customers and we resolved to stay for a solitary beer and move on. However, the manager came over and gave me a nice Cuban on the house. Though the cigar was packed for travel (I don’t smoke enough to know the word for those clear, plastic tubes the cigars come in), we decided it would be good form to stick around for a little while. When the cook and the waiter noticed the interest we were taking in their domino game and asked us to join them, all was lost. Four and half hours later, after representing the United States admirably in the arena of bones (in all humility, Amy and I administered a sound ass-whupping), we finally decided to move on. The kitchen was actually closed at de la Trova and after 4.5 hours of eating the birdseed they set out in lieu of the more common nuts and carrots (which we were told was actually from the “male” part of the marijuana plant, but I believe they were pulling our leg or else mistaken), we set out of there in search of real food.

Despite a promise by the owner of Brooke’s earlier in the week of a good 80s DJ, we opted to wind down the night with argileh, oud music, and some traditional fare at Cafe Gemmayze.

+++

On Sunday, we went to the beach at Byblos. Luckily for us, the rule of Sunday leisure activities seems to be see and be seen. To wit, one end of the beach was completely blanket-to-blanket masses and the far end was sparsely populated. We spent several hours playing in the rough waves and pursuing our “hobbies.” Amy collected sea-glass and I collected sea-metal (crushed and worn aluminum nuggets) and made piles of flat rocks like a regular Julian Cope.

That evening we grilled hamburgers and I enjoyed my cigar from the previous night.

Our first batch of house guests, namely Ray and Geoff, arrive one week from tomorrow and I am beside myself with excitement. This is the first installment of a series that will be running pretty much nonstop into October. As the premier group, Ray and Geoff will certainly have the benefit of our unvarnished enthusiasm about certain attractions. This is not to say that I’m not incredibly psyched about each and every person who is making the trek out to our little corner of the Near East.

It will be interesting to me to see how our friends and family like Beirut. My guess (and I think Amy is with me on this) is that they won’t find it as quite as strange and exotic as they are expecting, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I’m hoping that it will be judged on its own merits and not the in the context of the European simulacrum it sometimes seems to be. I’m also looking forward to showing people the country we’ve discovered (in the figurative/romantic sense) and to discover it a little more in the process.

And I now it’s about high time I divulged a little secret I’ve been holding off on…

Our mattresses. They suck.

And our pillows are nothing to write home about either.

In related visitation news, our friends Dan and Addie have been added to the role-call in recent weeks and have passage booked for September.

My primary objective on our Tripoli jaunt on Saturday was to try to find an oud, but I knew beforehand that I probably wasn’t going to be able to find that sort of thing in the souk. After we wandered around for a while, I lost interest in not only my primary objective, but my secondary objective, which was finding inspiration for wedding rings. While there were many styles of jewelry represented in the souk, simple, classic, and not-tacky were not among them. However, we enjoyed wandering around and sampling the sights and sounds (and smells) and checking out the wares. One of the strangest things on sale were live baby chickens which had been dyed all sorts of unnatural colors. Though I took photos, I didn’t have the heart to capture the chicks’ live elder relatives. They were in cages behind a collection of some other family members who were less fortunate/alive and in various stages of disassembly. Amy remarked that when she went to Morocco, she bet her travel companion that it was cheaper to buy a dead chicken than a live one and she lost.

In the mid-afternoon we decided to head back via Byblos. On the bus we talked a bit with a very articulate student who had just finished high school. He explained that though he’s been to New York twice, he’s never been to Baalbeck, Beitedeine, or many of the other attractions of Lebanon. We’ve encountered this circumstance a lot. My impulse is to be shocked, but in the 8 years I lived in New York I don’t think I ever once went to the Guggenheim or the Museum of Modern Art or the Statue of Liberty, so there you go.

Once in Byblos, we ended up at Byblos Fishing Club. Not only does Byblos lay claim to inventing the alphabet and being oldest continuously inhabited city in the world (a somewhat hotly contested claim), it was also something of a premier destination for the rich and famous back in the 60s. The Fishing Club was apparently quite popular back then and the walls showcase many photos of the owner posing with the likes of Brigitte Bardo and Marlon Brando. The owner is nicknamed Pepe the Pirate and is/was apparently quite a character himself.

We had a leisurely lunch and listened to Supertramp’s Roger Hodgson soundcheck at the nearby stage that had been set up for the Byblos Music Festival. Earlier in the week, Amy had learned that one of our favorite bands, Franz Ferdinand, was supposed to play the festival, but cancelled. This was disappointing, though if the show gone on as scheduled, we probably would have found out about it the day after. Maybe we’re just not tapped in to the proper channels, but it seems like the only time we find out about an event is if it’s been cancelled or reviewed in the Daily Star after the fact.

There was a surprising number of people getting ready to enjoy the former Supertramp star. Granted I’m no musical scholar, but I was hard-pressed to name a single Supertramp song. Of course later, upon having access to the internet at home, intensive research revealed that they were responsible for almost a dozen songs with which anyone who’s ever listened to classic rock radio must be intimately familiar (for instance, the song shares a title with this post). I also learned that they got their start when a millionaire friend of the keyboard player offered to bankroll him to form his dream band. The support was quickly withdrawn after Supertramp released two prog-rock albums in the early 70s and they were left to fend for themselves.

After we finished lunch and completed some requisite wandering, we caught a minibus back to Beirut. The minibus cost 1000 LL and dropped us off at Dawra, where we caught a service taxi for double-fare. Amy mentioned that it was strange to pay 1000 LL to go all the way up the coast and then have to pay twice that to take a cab across town to our apartment. I think I may have inadvertently haggled with the driver because he ended up only charging us 3000 LL for the two of us.

We stayed home and disposed of the rest of the night quietly playing Scrabble. Despite putting down “queer” on a double-word score, I was still soundly defeated.

Aforementioned “punk chicks.”

Amy with some weird-but-tasty pods we bought in the souk.

This is the festival concert area where Roger Hodgson played (and where Franz Ferdinand would have played).

A view of Byblos’ port from the old fortifications at its mouth.

I didn’t take any more good pictures, so here is a gratuitous shot of my favorite brand of cookies.

Maybe it’s all the hours I’ve been spending on a slow-moving remote desktop connection to the other side of the globe, but doesn’t my cellphone bear more than just a passing resemblance to Spock’s coffin from the 2nd and 3rd Star Trek movies?

And speaking of science-fiction: good god, these must be some powerful anti-depressants I’m taking, because this doesn’t bother me nearly as much as it should.

House votes to extend Patriot Act

And while we’re on the subject, I’m curious to see how all this plays out and if New Yorkers (well, specifically our friends) really find it to be an “obstruction of, like, freedom” or just a terrible nuisance. In some strange way, it kind of make me miss living in New York. I suppose it’s because it’s just one of those things that would’ve affected our daily lives if we still lived there. Or maybe I’m just seeing too much romance in random bag-checks.

It’s Time for Tougher Scrutiny, Many Subway Riders Concede